Friday, September 29, 2017


In my sophomore year of high school, I wrote a suicide note. I was bullied in school for a long time, I was disappointed in my life, so I had an emotional and mental breakdown. My parents took me to a mental hospital to get help. Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know I resonate with you.

I got the tattoo for myself and for a friend of mine to show I supported her.

Despite all the popular theories propagated today, You were made in the Imago Dei. (Genesis 1:27) Think about that for a second. You were made in the image of the God who created everything. (Colossians 1:16, John 1:3)

I didn't find Christ till 2 years later, but he was there before I knew he was. Through his divine plan I received medicine that stabilized me.

I didn't commit suicide, you shouldn't either. I know you may think it's the best decision now, but it is not. Not only are you hurting yourself, when you do this you hurt others. Even if you have no one in your life, there is a God who loves sinners. (Romans 5:8, John 3:16) I urge you to pray to him, he will not cast you away.


All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. (John 6:37 ESV)
He is here for the heavy laden (Matthew 11:28) and he can be your place of refuge
The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. (Psalm 9:9 KJV)
I don't know you, but I know your pain. Seek the Lord, call a suicide hotline, talk to a close family member, whatever you're most comfortable with, you can even message me here if you want. I'd gladly talk to you. I care for your well-being and your soul, but more importantly, the creator of your soul can bring you relief, He can save you from the dark pit of suffering you're surrounded in.

In Christian history there was a latin term used, it's "Post Tenebras, Lux" It means "After Darkness, Light" oh how that is so true for my life. I hope it will become part of yours. Seek the Lord, you'll find him to be a perfect savior.

If you are a christian struggling with these thoughts, remember that the Lord is faithful to keep you (John 6:39) The Holy Spirit is your comforter (John 14:26). He will finish the good work he has done in you (Philippians 1:6) and God promises us in the Golden Chain of redemption.

And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose,  because those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; and those he called, he also justified; and those he justified, he also glorified (Romans 8:28-30 NET) 
The Bible says
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16 KJV) 


The Lord is listening. Pray to him, honestly seek him. I know from experience that we fall into a mindset of "no one understands me". Perhaps that it true in your life. But the God who created you understands you more than you understand yourself, believe me.

One of my favorite lines in the Lord of the Rings trilogy is when Sam tells Frodo

"There's some good in this world Mr. Frodo and it's worth fighting for." 

Keep fighting. I'll be praying for you. 

7 comments

After 30+ years of battling depression and PTSD, I don't have much fight left. :( I'm tired, I'm weary and I've just about had enough.

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This comment truly breaks my heart, and I'm not really sure what to say. Is there anyone you can reach out to for support, help, and comfort? And do you take any sort of depression/anxiety medication or visit a therapist or psychiatrist? I'm praying for you.

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Many doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, medication, therapies, pastoral care, etc, etc, etc.

I have one surviving immediate family member left and then I'm basically on my own. I do have friends, but 99.9% of them I only interact with online due to distance-and I don't like talking about how bad things get, because it freaks people out.

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I have had doctors tell me that I would never get better, that it would be best for me to kill myself. Pastors have told me to never speak of what is wrong or no one will want me around (thankfully my current pastor is not like this).

You know what they say about having friends like that...

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It's very good that it sounds like you have a good pastor. Distance is hard, a lot of my friends our online as well. I find reading the scriptural promises for us, the church to be very comforting. Like Spurgeon said "The sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head"

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@I Wander... I am your sister from another mister. I too have battled depression and suicidal thoughts for years now, but by the grace of God I'm still here! My heart truly goes out to you and I feel your pain. I encourage you to take every thought captive under the blood of Jesus. Those drs who told you that you should kill yourself should have their licenses revoked! That diabolical advice from them came directly from the enemy! Every life is precious to the Lord and you must know who you are in Christ, and stand firmly on God's Word and His promises. Be careful about your thoughts and what you allow your mind to dwell on. When the enemy brings stuff from the past, present or even the future, shift your thoughts back to the Lord and His unending love for you, and the fact that He's coming soon to take us home! God has brought you this far and He will never leave you or forsake you. Don't give the enemy any satisfaction by taking your life! The enemy is a liar and there is no truth in him. Stand on God's promises and His love for you.

Hang in there and be encouraged!

Blessings...

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I have a physical malady that doesn't respond to treatment. I am left exhausted everyday. No job, no money, no future.

Are you seriously going to tell me that there is "hope?" Everyone I talk to think it's a psychological issue. I can explain explicitly the nature of my malady and how the treatment is ineffective, and moments later they will steer it right back to terms like "depression." It's like they don't want to consider or face the fact that some things are hopeless. Not all who do it or consider doing it are the same. Some people really do have situations, especially medical, that are without remedy.

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